Quiet re-re-entrance

I haven't written in a while. The last post explains quite a bit and yet nothing at all. We went on to conceive yet another and lose yet again. 3 non-viable pregnancies in less than 11 months. Needless to say, I want answers.

Every day I am grateful for the child that I have. The one I can hug and kiss and tickle every morning and every evening. And every night my heart aches a little for 3 who are not here. I wonder if I'll meet them some day. You know, if you believe in that kind of stuff.

A heady and quiet re-re-entrance to this blog.

Expected Due Date

Today was due date #1 of 2011. I thought that I was in a better place...until I walked into my office and opened my email. OCD, efficient me made an appointment today titled 'Bun.'

I think I need to go home now and pull the blankets over my head.

Really?

I forgot a whole week? Not really. I've been waiting and wondering this week. Counting days of a cycle...women trying to get pregnant know what I mean. Cross off another month. Cycle #4 since that day that rocked me to my core. Almost 4 months.

But I'm blessed. We're blessed. There is a smiling little boy in our lives that I wouldn't trade for the world.

Weekend...whoops!

So much for my streak - I skipped the weekend. But that's good, right?! That meant I was out living life and being productive...right? Or it means that I am suffering from insomnia. I want to quit my job and move away. And have another baby. And go back to school.

I just heap the stress on myself.

*take a bow*

Friday!

I can't wait for tonight!!!!! Girls night in and then the husband returns! Single parents...I have no idea how you get through your days without taking speed.

Fingers and Toes

Dear Diary,

My fingers and toes are crossed. I've been praying for 2 days straight. Please, let this be our moment. Husband, be yourself - and people will be impressed. I believe in you.

Dreaming about mittens in the Mitten.

Sigh of relief

Dear Dad,

I'm glad you're okay. I wish I lived closer so that I could help you and mom out. It scares me to think that you're getting older and that you may not be around...will you see your grandson go to Kindergarten? Will you see him graduate from high school? And then I start counting. You probably won't see him graduate from college.

That's a difficult reality to face.

I don't tell you enough - I love you.